(no subject)
May. 20th, 2016 10:33 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
I've started so many entries to you, doing just that. Using emotional blackmail. I'm pretty sure I know the words I could use to force your hand, but I always end up deleting them again. It wouldn't be fair, and it wouldn't be right, and I wouldn't ever be able to look myself in the eyes again.
But I'd know you were safe. Maybe knowing you're safe is worth becoming the kind of person I can't respect.
And maybe if I said any of this for real, I would have already crossed that line.
Be safe.
It's my fault, anyway.
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Date: 2016-05-21 02:44 am (UTC)I need to be okay before I come home. I need to make sure you're safe from me.ok
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Date: 2016-05-21 02:56 am (UTC)I'm calling a PI, and I'm searching for you, and I'm not going to stop until I know you're not somewhere lost in your own head. And if that means we're not friends anymore, then fine. We're not friends. But this has gone on long enough.
You wouldn't let me run off somewhere and refuse to take medicine when I need it. I'm not going to let you do the same.
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Date: 2016-05-21 02:58 am (UTC)Found out I'm good at hiding.
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Date: 2016-05-21 02:59 am (UTC)You may have given up on me, but I haven't. I'm not.
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Date: 2016-05-21 03:05 am (UTC)I haven't given up on you. Don't ever say that.
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Date: 2016-05-21 03:09 am (UTC)Look.
Do you really believe you're Bucky Barnes? Or is this your way of hitting the nuclear button? Because if you're just, I don't know, out, then fine, okay, I'll stop. But if you're sick, I can't stop. I can't do it.
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Date: 2016-05-21 03:13 am (UTC)If I wanted to break up with you, I wouldn't pretend to have a fucking nervous breakdown to do it. I'm the Winter Soldier. I've spent a lot of time trying to figure out if it's true or I'm just going crazy. I really don't think I am, but I don't know how to explain it. I also don't know if I can be trusted not to hurt someone, even you.
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Date: 2016-05-21 03:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-05-21 03:21 am (UTC)What kind of help is there for this? Go somewhere with straitjackets, where I can be contained? I'm not being imprisoned again.
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Date: 2016-05-21 03:24 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-05-21 03:25 am (UTC)What is she going to say? "How do you feel about being a brainwashed killing machine?"
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Date: 2016-05-21 03:26 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-05-21 03:28 am (UTC)No, she'll be calling the guys with the butterfly nets.
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Date: 2016-05-21 03:30 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-05-21 03:32 am (UTC)Did you say that on purpose?
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Date: 2016-05-21 03:39 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-05-21 03:43 am (UTC)You called me Buck.
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Date: 2016-05-21 03:48 am (UTC)Oh
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Date: 2016-05-21 03:52 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-05-21 03:58 am (UTC)I have to go.
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Date: 2016-05-21 04:02 am (UTC)Do you need me?
no subject
Date: 2016-05-21 04:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-05-21 04:13 am (UTC)I understand.